Sometimes silence is much louder than the words we speak out loud. I can hear resentment, bitterness, anger, and confusion so loudly in a room where issues are festering I feel like my heart will burst. I don't understand why the thick cloud can't be broken with words....words saying what is already in the air...words getting out what is being thought and getting it over with. I don't understand why it can't be brought out in the open and dealt with. I don't understand why the fact that healing will come after isn't taken into consideration. Instead it just hovers over the room like a poison slowly soaking in. I hate it. It makes me angry. It makes me feel sick to my stomach.
It is in my past. With my blood relatives. With old friends who aren't truly friends. My past that often times tries to sneak into the present and bring me down, even make me feel inadequate as a human being. But I must remember I have overcome this disease myself, although I am frequently caught in the midst of it taking root in others. I refuse to let it sink into my heart. I will not let it win.
I am free. Freedom is my choice. It is life to my soul. My freedom cannot be taken away from others. I will wear it forever. If anyone tries to come in and take it, I will shut them down. There is no room in my life for negative people who don't have my back. I fight not only for myself, but for my future children, for my family. I will not let the past dictate my life, my future, or my happiness. I have grown thick skin that has weathered numerous storms, chaos, confusion, anger, lies, manipulation, control.....I have conquered the ugliness and come forth stronger, wiser, more beautiful, determined, and unwavering. I am free.