Confessions

I'm not going to lie. My pride took a pretty hard hit this weekend. I guess that's just God's way of making sure I don't turn into a total brat???? I'm not really sure. Nonetheless, last night I wasn't sure I could pick myself  up again. A bit of background in case you don't know me.... I play softball with my husband. Our season starts in the spring and we play through the fall when the weather starts turning gross. This is my second year playing and I absolutely love it. I play outfield, usually left  or left center, and take pride in the fact that I can catch, run, and hit without looking like a stupid girl. :) I take pride in the fact I can keep up with boys in sports (and sometimes beat them) and they are usually impressed. Well, we had two games last night, and I did in fact look like a stupid girl. I don't know what was wrong with me, I was definitely having an "off" night. The only time I got on base was when I got walked. I dropped 3 balls in the outfield, which hardly ever happens. When I got up to bat, the other team was chanting, "she's a looker, not a hitter. She won't ever hit the ball." I probably would have started a fight if my husband wasn't there to calm me down. I was ready to fight that dumb girl on the other team saying those mean things. ( I get a little intense when I play sports - just ask my team. I made a guy on MY OWN TEAM quit after I yelled at him for dropping a ball. I am not proud of that; I did apologize to him though.) So after our first game, I thought to myself, "well, I can redeem myself and regain my dignity during our second game." That didn't happen. I played worse than my 1st game. I walked home in shame that night.  I tried to find something that I could be mad at my husband Patrick about, but I knew deep down I was really just mad and irritated with myself, which made me even more mad! I barely said two words all night to him. Am I dramatic? Absolutely. But when I put my heart into something, I put my WHOLE heart into it, so it hits me twice as hard when things don't go my way, or I fail at something.

Well, things always look better in the morning after a good strong cup of coffee, I have come to learn. It's best if I just go to bed and sleep it off. I can laugh about it now, but it felt so real to me at the moment. I felt like I never wanted to play again, that I should just give up and quit.  I know someone out there understands my rantings and what I'm talking about. I hope I'm not the only one with crazy emotional swings. Maybe it will give someone a good laugh, who knows? I just need to vent and get it out. This Wednesday during playoffs I plan to gain composure of myself, keep my attitude in the right place, and play hard and do well.  And if I don't? Really? A girl can only take so much! I am going to OWN THAT FIELD!