I learned a very valuable lesson this week. The light bulb turned on for me.... :)
It is okay to show weakness. I know this isn't the most profound statement ever, but sometimes we need to admit to being human. I realized that I try to absorb and fix every single problem that comes my way. Instead of yelling "HELP!," I bite my lip, roll up my sleeves, and try to do everything myself. I go to the point of breaking, possibly a little broken, keep going, then explode with such an intense flame that it affects everyone around me to the point of being hurtful at times. (I truly apologize if it happened to be you).
So last week I asked for a day off work; to catch up on bills, grocery shopping, and cleaning the house which was an absolute wreck. Not typical of me. I can't remember the last day I took off except for Thanksgiving and Christmas. And when my wonderful boss said yes, I couldn't help feeling guilty. Why? I honestly don't know. I seem to self-inflict guilt on myself if I let anyone down. If I say no to hanging out with someone, I feel guilty. If I am not constantly being productive with my time, I feel guilty. It is hard for me to take a break and just relax.
So, that being said, I am trying to train my mind to understand that I can't be everything for everyone, although I feel I try hard to do so. Some days I will have to say no and realize my own boundaries.
And more importantly, recognize that we weren't designed or created to take all of life's problems, drama, & difficulties by ourselves when Jesus is right there beside us wanting to lift the burden off our shoulders and instill peace in us. Thank God He is bigger than any situation, trouble, or issue I come across in this crazy thing called life. My trust needs to be in Him at all times regardless of any circumstance.
"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. " Isaiah 26:3
Perfect peace? Shit. I don't think I have ever been in perfect peace, but I am trying to trust God even when my small mind can't see a reason to.